Both girls are asleep at the same time (not as much of a miracle as I once feared it would be – more on that below) and I’ve wanted to write. Something about making babies and seeing them grow…it makes me want to write. A way to process it all maybe.
There is so much to say, so much I could say about adding a baby to our solid unit of three and making us a unit of four, about running a business at the same time, about being a mama, about God and His faithfulness, about things I’ve learned so far this time around, about the new designs I’m considering and trying to bravely push forward with, but the main thing is this:
That voice you hear that is sometimes still so small, still a whisper, that voice that begs you to listen even if it sounds insane and there are a million and twenty reasons not to listen (and those are just the ones you could come up with in two minutes flat)…that voice is good. And, I believe, that voice is God.
My goodness we were set on having one baby. Just set. That was it. And…then we weren’t set. Or, truly, God wasn’t set and He changed our minds very suddenly. When I faced this decision with uncertainty and sometimes crippling fear, actually dreading what was to come, I’m so glad I listened when I heard “just trust”. During the nights when I’d run through my old sleep training and scheduling and rule books I’d (unfortunately) memorized the first time around, plotting and planning and sending myself into a hurricane of unsettled worry, I’m so glad I listened when I heard “just love”. Trust and love…could it be that simple?
I’m not just holding God’s hand this time around, friends…this time around, I am curled into His strong and capable hands letting Him carry me along on this journey He has for us. It’s not all perfect and this giving over of my life and plans isn’t automatic, but it is lovely. It is peaceful. It is joy. It’s beautiful and scary and mostly chaotic and always always always better than if I were doing it by myself.